Cats
by Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: Insulted when not invited to a party thrown by the Winchesters, the witch Rowena curses Sam and Dean into cats. While others search for Rowena, it is up to Meg and Castiel to care for the two felines.


What If AU Challenge prompts: No One Dies AU, Characters as Animals AU, Fairy Tale AU, and Party Hardy AU.  
Part of the Meg Lives series.

* * *

Dean grinned as he surveyed the library of the bunker. Music was playing through speakers. Conversation and laughter added to the sound. It felt like...like a real home. For the first time in his adult life, he had friends over for a party in his home.

The Winchesters had invited all of their allies to visit. Bobby had come, of course. He'd been eager to see the bunker. Jody Mills was also there, along with Charlie Bradbury and Kevin Tran. Kevin's mom had been invited, but declined. Of course, since they lived there, Cas and Meg were also present. Dean noticed Meg sticking to the back of the library. She hadn't spoken to anybody that he'd noticed. He suppressed a smile. A room full of hunters was probably the last place she wanted to be, but the demon was too proud to leave.

"This is good," Sam said, walking up to Dean and handing him a fresh beer.

"Yeah. I'm glad we did it. It's nice to see everyone, you know, when there isn't a monster or apocalypse" Dean replied.

"Or angels," Sam added.

The one angel present was currently speaking to Charlie about something. Charlie looked a little amused, so Cas was probably getting something wrong or mixed up.

"Quite the place you got here," Bobby said, walking up to them. "Hope you don't mind if I come back at some point and take a look at these books. I spotted one I've been looking for for years."

"Of course not," Sam said. Dean would have just loaned Bobby the book, but Sam was weirdly possessive of them.

"I—"

Bobby was cut off them the door to the bunker had opened and someone walked in. It was Rowena MacLeod, witch and Crowley's mother. She boldly strode down the stairs.

"My, what a lovely gathering you're having. My invitation must have been lost in the mail," she said, walking through the war room and into the library.

"Who—" Jody began.

"This was for friends only. Allies," Dean said, reaching into a bookshelf for a knife he had hidden there. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Cas moving towards Rowena.

"That's what I heard. I must admit I'm a little confused. I mean, I have been helpful these last few years, haven't I? You call up, I offer my expertise, your problem is fixed. Right?"

"And?"

"And... Ah, I see." She looked around at everyone gathered and chuckled. "My mistake. How very...embarrassing."

"You need to leave," Jody said, firmly.

"Very well." Rowena turned to go but stopped at the stairs between the control room and the library. "But...what is a party without gifts?"

She lashed out and pale green smoke filled the room. He heard shouting and under it all, words spoken in a foreign language.

Then...everything changed.

o.O.o

Meg stood, frozen, watching the chaos in the bunker. The humans were panicked, reaching for weapons. It would do no good. They couldn't see through the smoke, and even if they could, Rowena was long gone.

Beneath the loud voices, Meg heard a strange sound. It seemed like some kind of animal. Had Rowena left behind a trap?

Moving towards the sound, she looked under the nearest table. Huddled together were two cats. They both had brown fur, but the largest cat had long fur, while the smaller cat had short fur and green eyes. She almost started laughing.

"Cas," she said quietly, knowing he'd be able to hear her.

A few moments later he knelt next to her and saw the cats.

"Is that-"

"Looks like it," she answered.

"This is not good."

They both stood. It seemed everyone had realized that Rowena was gone, and were now discussing her "kidnapping" of the Winchesters.

"They were not kidnapped," Castiel said. Everybody looked towards them and Meg resisted the urge to grab a weapon. She did not like being the target of so many hunters.

"What do you mean they weren't kidnapped? They're not here," Bobby said.

Meg climbed under the table and tried to grab the cats. The one she guessed was Dean hissed and cowered further back, but Sam hesitantly moved forward and nudged her hand. She grabbed him and climbed back out.

"They're here," Cas said, and Meg held up the cat. Sam meowed pitifully.

"You're joking, right?" Kevin asked.

"Nope," Meg said. "No Winchesters and suddenly two cats? Doesn't take a genius to figure this one out."

"Balls," Bobby said, glaring at the cat. Sam meowed again.

"So what do we do? And where's Dean?" Charlie asked.

"Go after Rowena, of course. She cast the spell, so she can reverse it." Jody said, her attention on the floor next to Meg. Meg looked down to see Dean had moved under the nearest chair.

"Good idea, let's go," Bobby agreed, heading for the stairs. Jody looked startled, but followed.

"Research?" Kevin asked, looking at Charlie.

"Of course," Charlie replied. The redhead looked at Meg and Cas. "Do you mind if we stay here?"

"Of course not," Castiel replied. "We appreciate the assistance."

Charlie sat down at a table and pulled out her laptop, while Kevin began to look through the books on the shelves.

"We have no supplies for cats." Castiel said to Meg.

"I'll go," Meg said, shoving Sam at Cas. The large cat struggled and hopped down on the table, moving over to Charlie. The young woman seemed surprised but let the cat settle next to her laptop.

Meg returned an hour later with bags laden with cat supplies. She set the cat tree scratching post just inside the entrance the library. Everyone was crowded around the table, and thick books in front of Kevin and Cas. Sam was where she had left him, but Dean was now on the table, watching everyone as though he were supervising.

"You got everything?" Cas asked, looking at her bags.

"Yep. Enough to turn this place into a feline paradise."

She set down the bags and pulled out two items. Reaching for Dean, she was not surprised to be hissed and swiped at.

"He doesn't like to be touched," Kevin said, watching the feline.

"I got that," Meg said, fastening a green collar around Dean's neck.

"Is that necessary?" Cas asked.

"It's a flea collar. I added a bell so we can find him," she explained, passing the cat to Cas. "Don't let him go yet."

She placed a blue collar on Sam, who didn't protest, and motioned for Charlie to pick him up. Grabbing the largest bag, she led them into the dormitory. Kevin joined them, probably welcoming the break.

In one of the bathrooms she set up a litter box. The others watched, appalled, and she realized they hadn't considered all aspects of feline life.

"It's self cleaning," she explained. No way was she cleaning up a Winchester litter box.

"Remind me to never piss off a witch," Kevin said.

Meg motioned to Charlie and Cas. They stepped forward and set the cats in front of the box. Sam sat down and stared at it, while Dean backed away, running out of the room.

Charlie and Kevin hurried to return to the library, and Meg surveyed the rest of her purchases. She saw Sam peek around the corner and she pulled out a laser pointer. Aiming it in front of the cat, she slowly moved it back and forth. After a few moments of staring at it, he lashed out with a paw. Meg chuckled, and moved the red dot around, leading the cat down the hall. When she had him spinning in a circle, she flat out laughed.

"What? Gotta keep their hunting skills honed," she said to Cas' disapproving stare.

In the kitchen she set down bowls for food and water. Sam had followed them, and she saw another brown tail disappear under the table. She poured cat kibble into one of the bowls. Sam stared at the food, and Dean came out from under the table to inspect it. He must have found it lacking because he sat down and stared at her.

"What? You're a cat. You get cat food. If you're good you might even get some delicious salmon flavored treats later."

Sam stepped forward, sniffed the kibble, and began to eat. Dean walked over and batted his brother on the head a few times until Sam hissed and continued to eat. Startled, Dean turned around and left the kitchen, tail held high in feline protest.

She found him in the library, staring intently at the turkey sandwich Kevin was eating.

"Do not give him any," Meg said. "There's cat kibble in the kitchen."

Kevin stopped chewing and looked down, noticing the cat. "Never, ever, piss off a witch."

"Thanks for that, Captain Obvious."

Dean abandoned Kevin and went to Charlie, who ignored him with difficulty. Finally, the cat hopped up on the table, sniffed the now empty plates, and laid down with his head on his front paws.

"Meg, maybe—" Cas began.

"No," Meg replied, not looking up from the lore book.

The research was interrupted a few hours later by panicked meowing coming from the dormitory. Castiel went to investigate. About five minutes later the sound of loud feline screeching came into the library.

"What the hell?" Charlie asked, jumping up.

All three of them hurried towards the sound and found Castiel in the bathroom trying to wash a violently protesting Dean in the sink.

"Wow," Kevin said and headed back towards the library.

"Care to explain?" Meg asked, leaning against the wall.

"He fell in the toilet. I do not use toilets, but I know they are full of bacteria and are dirty," Cas said, wincing as claws scratched his arms, drawing blood.

"Oh. No. That's not how... Let me?" Charlie said, stepping forward. "I've done this before."

Cas relinquished the feline to Charlie, who took a hold of the front paws and shut off the water. Grabbing a washcloth, she set it in the bottom of the sink, resting the cat on it.

"There. That's a lot more comfortable, huh?" Charlie asked.

Dean glared at her and let out a long, low growl of warning.

"I know this isn't dignified, but come on. Do you really want to go around with toilet water all over you?" Dean gave a low hiss and looked away. He stopped struggling and Charlie smiled. "There. Now the sooner we get this done, the sooner we can never speak of it again. Okay?"

Meg left Charlie to her task and left the bathroom with Cas.

"That?" she asked, laughing when they were in the hall. "That was the best thing I've seen in a long time."

"I do not think Dean finds it humorous," Cas replied.

"That makes it even better!"

A few moments later Charlie emerged with the towel wrapped cat. Dean noticed Meg laughing and gave her a narrowed eyed look. Funny how he could manage that as a human and a cat.

"Maybe now he'll use the box!"

They researched long into the night. Early morning, actually. Finally, the humans decided to turn in for a few hours. Meg convinced Cas to also do so. Sam was sound asleep on the table. Kevin had placed a cat bed in the center. Dean glowered at them from atop the cat tree.

"He will forgive me one day, correct?" Cas said.

Cats were not known for their forgiveness. Dean Winchester even less so.

"He's probably not mad at you anymore. Just the situation," she lied.

In their room she changed into the t-shirt and climbed into the bed. Cas stripped down to his boxers and joined her. It had taken her nearly a year to get him to start doing so. Meg picked up a magazine and began to read.

"I should be researching since I do not sleep," he said.

"Even angel brains need a break. Look, we've found nothing, okay? Just warnings that this kind of magic is rare and difficult. That it should not be done by normal witches, much less non-witches," she replied.

Setting down her magazine she reached over and began to run her fingers through his hair. She felt him begin to relax.

"I should have attacked her right away," he said.

"Why? You've trusted her in the past."

He didn't reply and she knew there would be no getting rid of his guilt.

Leaning over, she gently kissed him. He was surprised, but responded. There would be no real fun with guests in the bunker, but—

"MEEEOOOOWWW," came the interruption right outside the door.

Dean Winchester was getting his revenge.

"So, why was Dean yowling in the hall all night?" Kevin asked the next morning. Everybody, including the cats, were gathered in the kitchen for breakfast.

"He was singing," Cas said, putting scrambled eggs onto Kevin's plate.

The prophet looked at the food and Meg could tell he was wondering the wisdom of eating a meal prepared by a being that didn't actually eat. Castiel was trying to, as he put it, "properly care for guests," and had made eggs and bacon. Meg grinned at Kevin when he sat down.

"Singing?" Charlie asked, giving Sam a scratch behind the ear before digging into her eggs.

"Yes. It wasn't too bad at first, however when he got to the greatest hits of 1984 even my infinite patience was...strained," Cas admitted, setting a plate of bacon down on the table.

Dean hopped up on the table looking entirely too proud of himself. He sniffed the bacon and Meg moved it.

"How do you know what he was singing?" Kevin asked.

"I speak cat."

Kevin and Charlie raised their eyebrows and didn't ask any more questions.

Dean was staring at Meg intently. She lowered her phone, annoyed. "I filled your bowl."

Dean meowed.

"That's what you get. Deal with it."

Dean opened his mouth and started "singing" again. The humans flinched and began to eat faster.

Meg calmly pulled up a website on her phone, dialed the address, and waited. "Yes, I'd like to schedule an appointment to get my new kitty neutered."

Dean stopped and hissed, backing up. Meg stared until he stopped, his eyes narrowed and his ears back. Hanging up, she smiled.

"You are not going to neuter Dean," Cas said, placing a hand on Dean's head. He got swiped at for it.

"Of course not. That's what the vet is for," Meg said with a grin.

"Meg, stop."

Kevin and Charlie looked at each other and took the rest of their food out of the kitchen. Crossing her arms, Meg narrowed her eyes at Cas.

"Both of you need to stop. This entire situation is difficult enough without you two fighting," Cas said seriously. "Dean, you are a cat now. You must accept that your life is different, and adapt."

Dean crouched down, his tail whipping around violently.

"Meg, you must stop antagonizing Dean. This is very difficult for him."

"Hi, I'm Meg, I'm a demon," she said, raising an eyebrow.

"You can do better. I've seen it."

Meg rolled her eyes and didn't reply.

The next few hours researching in the library were very quiet. Meg was pissed at both Cas and Dean and she knew that the humans felt the tension. Castiel, however, seemed oblivious. Dean had once again claimed the top of the cat tree and was watching everyone, his tail twitching. Sam was curled up on Charlie's lap and Meg could hear faint purring coming from him.

Finally, completely bored and not getting anywhere, Meg went into her room and got the last of her cat supplies. Returning to the library, she sat down at the table and pulled a plastic bin and some cloth toys out of the bag. Taking the top off the bin, she pulled off the tamper resistance seal and waited. Sure enough, about a minute later, Sam's head shot up.

"Is that—" Charlie asked, grinning.

"Yep," Meg said, taking a pinch of the dried leaves from the bin and placing them in a toy shaped like a fish.

"What is it?" Castiel asked, suspicious.

"None of your business," Meg said, pressing the toy closed. Sam had gotten up from Charlie's lap and was walking across the table, slowly. Meg held out the toy and let him sniff it. "Want it?"

Sam gave a strange, chirpy meow and rubbed his cheek against the toy. Meg tossed it to the floor, where is slid across the smooth surface. Sam jumped down and chased it, pouncing at the last minute. Everybody watched as he attacked the toy, grabbing it with both paws and biting viciously.

Meg took out another toy, shaped like a bird this time, and filled it. She held it up and addressed Dean, who had sat up and was watching his brother. "Well?"

Dean looked away.

"Suit yourself," Meg said, and tossed it to Sam.

Sam leaped up and caught the bird, then flopped onto his side. He held the bird with his front paws, bit it, and his back legs swiped at the toy. Meg and Charlie started laughing.

Suddenly, Dean jumped down from the cat tree and raced over to Sam. He batted at Sam a few times with one paw. Sam stopped attacking the toy and looked at Dean. Instead of hissing or batting back, he just rolled over with the toy, facing away from Dean. Dean stared at Sam for a few moments, and then raised his nose, sniffing. He slowly approached the discarded fish shaped toy and sniffed it. Cautiously, he crouched down, sniffing the toy again, until finally he laid down, clutching the fish and rubbing his cheek against it.

"I can't believe what I'm seeing," Kevin said. He'd come around the table to sit next to Meg so he could watch.

"What did you do to them?" Castiel asked, appalled.

"Relax, it's just catnip," Charlie said.

"The Winchesters have needed to chill for years," Meg told Charlie.

Charlie typed for a few moments and 1960s music began to play on her laptop. Meg started laughing, and even Kevin chuckled.

"Will they be okay?" Cas asked worriedly.

"No. They'll be like this forever," Meg replied. "Fear my demon wrath."

"It's catnip, dude," Charlie said. "Harmless. Humans give it to cats all the time. Cats love it, as you can see. They'll probably fall asleep and wake up good as new."

Castiel looked at the cats rolling on the floor, nuzzling the toys, and seemed doubtful, but he didn't say anything. Meg glared at him for a moment and returned to her lore book.

Castiel's phone chimed a few hours later, startling everyone.

"They have Rowena," Castiel reported, reading the text message. "They're on their way back with her. She's agreed to talk."

"I sense a trap," Kevin said. "I don't want to be a cat."

Meg looked at the Winchesters. Both were sound asleep on the floor. Dean still clutched the fish toy.

"I will protect you, for you are a Prophet of the Lord and it is my duty," Castiel said seriously.

Kevin blinked a few times. "Uh, thanks, I guess."

"I will not protect you, for I am a Demon of Hell, and therefore I put me first," Meg said to Charlie, her tone as serious as Cas' had been.

Charlie just chuckled and continued typing. Castiel frowned at Meg and looked away.

As they waited for Bobby and Jody to return, the atmosphere was less tense. They still researched, in case Rowena refused to reverse the spell, but there was less urgency. The Winchesters had awoken, and Cas told them the news. They displayed their happiness in feline style: Dean took a lap around the bunker at high speed, while Sam started purring.

It was the early hours of morning when Bobby and Jody arrived at the bunker, a bound Rowena with them. Everyone gathered in the war room.

"My," Rowena said with a chuckle when Sam and Dean jumped up on the table. "What darling collars. I see you're adjusting."

Sam's tail started lashing around, and Dean let out a low warning growl.

"Let's cut the banter. What will it take for you to change them back?" Meg asked.

"Oh, but the banter is so enjoyable," Rowena sighed. "Fine. An apology."

"An apology? That's it?" Jody asked.

"Yes." Rowena looked around and saw the disbelief. "I'm serious."

Everybody looked at the Winchesters, waiting. Sam seemed uncertain, and Dean turned his back on Rowena.

"Fine. Enjoy your new pets. Oh, do be responsible and get them fixed. We don't want kittens, after all," Rowena said and tried to push past Bobby to the staircase. He easily stopped her.

"I can't say I really blame them. I mean, she did turn them to cats," Kevin said quietly.

"And you know why she did. Because they were assholes." Meg scoffed and shook her head. "This is so typical. Everyone is perfectly happy to use a witch. Use their expertise, their strength, anything really. For years, even. And that witch could do everything asked of them, hell, go above and beyond, and it is never good enough. Ever. Nothing can make them trustworthy, nothing can make them a true ally. Part of the club. At the end of the day, their actions...their attempts to change...don't matter. Just what they are."

"Bravo, darling," Rowena said, a smile on her face. "I couldn't have said it better myself."

Everybody was staring at Meg, amazed. It was obvious from their expressions that they knew she wasn't just talking about witches.

"Just a bunch of fucking bigots," Meg finished.

The silence in the bunker was so thick it could probably be cut with Cas' angel blade. Cas was watching Meg with a frown on his face. Meg just crossed her arms and refused to apologize.

Sam stood up and walked across the table to Rowena. After a moment he gave a small meow and turned away.

"Thank you," Rowena said solemnly, "but it needs to come from both of you."

Dean's tail twitched back and forth violently as everyone stared at him.

"Oh, suck it up and apologize already. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life eating kibble and shitting in a box," Bobby growled.

Dean turned around and slowly approached Rowena. She smirked down at him and he gave a low, almost silent, meow.

"Well, I was hoping for something a bit more heartfelt, but it will have to do." She held out a piece of paper to Jody. "Here's the spell to reverse it."

o.O.o

Dean stretched, enjoying the feel of his human body. He hadn't liked cats before, and now that he'd been one, he disliked them even more.

Taking the ingredients out of the fridge, he began to make a sandwich.

"I tell you, I ever see that witch again, I'm going to—" he said to Sam, who was eating a salad.

"You think Meg was right?" Sam interrupted. "What she said?"

While they were cats they'd still been able to understand English perfectly. It was probably a part of the punishment. Really make them see what they were missing.

"Hell no," he replied, popping an olive in his mouth.

"Yeah, but, I mean...we do kind of act how she said."

"Yeah, for good reason. How many times have we been screwed over by a witch? Or a demon? No. They can't change and that's that."

Taking his sandwich, he left the kitchen. As he passed through the library he saw the catnip toys still on the floor. Memories of how much he'd enjoyed the catnip crossed his mind. He paused, remembering who had bought the toys before resolutely pushing it from his mind, and continuing on to his room.


End file.
